petals in dream castle
by januarylightsphere
Summary: Ten kisses Vietnam has received or given in her life, swirling together in a haze of memories.


**Disclaimer: **If this were mine, there would be too much China/Vietnam and America/Vietnam moments that it would be pointless.

**Pairings: **The actual romantic pairings are Star Pair and Red Star Pair (hopefully). Then again, I can't write a happy ending for China and Vietnam. Perhaps I should make her a RoChu and RusAme shipper like me... (I just have many dumb headcanon, OK!)

**Warnings: **There're angst, fluff, grammar problems, history references.

**A/n:** I really wanted to add Laos and Cambodia and Phillippines but they haven't made their appearance in canon yet. And Vietnam and Cuba have a good relationship but I'm too exhausted to add him. The part about Russia and Vietnam is completely out of my mind. I'm so proud of myself.

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><p><strong>i, China<strong>

She kissed him like there was no tomorrow because there was no tomorrow only today.

She broke the kiss and avoided a pair of guilty and pleading eyes. Because if she looked she would never have the courage to leave, while all she wanted to do was run and run until her legs were bruised and broken and those eyes would be gone. She realized she had gone mad. No, she had gone mad since she fell in love with him. It shouldn't have happened like this, you know, because he caged her down and she, ever the rebel, wanted to break free, even though he was China and pretty and kind and warm and just so _China. _The price of love was sanity, and she was too afraid to pay that.

She was never allowed to lose sanity.

The words countries and freedom and fight kept ringing over her head. More than anything, she hoped they were destined to be together. But they weren't because tomorrow she would leave for her freedom and she had to leave him behind. She knew it would break him, but he'd heal eventually, right? It was him who taught her that she was a country before she was herself, and a man like that would heal.

His eyes bore into her.

Vietnam refused to cry because she had always been fighting with him to prove that she was strong, and that wouldn't change.

But everything belonged to tomorrow and they had today although it didn't last long. So she leaned in for final kiss that fate will grant them.

(Maybe tomorrow, he would no longer see her as a little girl.)

('_I'm so proud of you, Lien.')_

* * *

><p><strong>ii, Japan.<strong>

She could feel the cold edge of his katana at her side as Japan yanked her up towards his face, his finger were hard on her hair and she'd finally lost her hope in finding Kiku she knew so well. Everything about this Japan was hard, from the military uniform he was wearing to the way his body angled against her unwilling one, as hard as rock.

His kiss was the hardest of all as he crushed against her lips and she would have cried out loud had they been anyone else. But they were Japan and Vietnam and damn, she'd watched him grow up with her own eyes, and he'd watched her break away from China and neither of them was to show other their weaknesses.

So Vietnam endured the hard lips on her own, the cold feeling his hands were giving and the tiniest sparks in his eyes, and there was something about the old Japan in the kiss, which scared her more than anything.

She wondered if he had really changed.

"Why did you do this?" She murmured as he broke the kiss.

"Asia belongs to Asian." He told her. "I'll kick France out of our home."

She wanted to ask, if they were family, why did he betray China? Because Japan wasn't like her, Japan wasn't rebellious, Japan wasn't the one who could make the decision that he could regret. Japan wasn't the one who could stab China behind his back.

But then, she almost saw him answer, "_You left first, Nee-chan, you betrayed him first, I just followed your step."_

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><p><strong>iii, Taiwan.<strong>

"You're the cutest thing ever!"

Vietnam fling at Taiwan's rising voice and thought dryly to herself that Japan's and China's obsession to cute things had finally rubbed on Taiwan. On second thought, she didn't even know why she was at Taiwan's house at the 9: 00 at night, dressed in some frilly creation Taiwan had forced on her (definitely China's influence.) It was too short (doesn't even reach her knees - Japan's fault), and it dipped to low (the curve of her collarbone peeked out the the lace - China would have a heart attack.) and it was too girly and fluffy and pretty to be Vietnam's style. (give her ao dai, give her military uniform, give her jeans, give things that hide, don't give her princess gown, don't give her jewelry. They didn't suit her at all.)

(She looked good and she knew it and it scared her.)

"I wish I had hair like your." Taiwan sighed almost wistfully, "Teacher China always tended your hair the best." Because of that, Vietnam had to try her best to give herself time for hair treatment.

"It was because he knew I couldn't keep it neat for two minutes." She said and didn't allow herself to be brought back to the past.

"You look so good in dramatic colours." Taiwan sighed again, leaned over to tug at Vietnam's sleeves, and Vietnam found herself half annoyed and half flattered. "You're prettier than all dolls Japan gave to me." The older girl didn't know whether she should be offended (then, it was Taiwan, she'd never said anything to hurt anyone), but the soft brush against her lips startled her. Taiwan pulled back and smiled like nothing happened and Vietnam was all flattered. (She was still annoyed and still blamed all of this on Japan and China.)

"I'm going to do your hair. And you aren't running away this time." Taiwan announced with a look of determination.

Vietnam let her.

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><p><strong>iv, Korea.<strong>

She was talking to Japan about economy when the crash happened and it hurt. His teeth caught her lips and he bit down on a blind flash of instinct while she was wondering why he had to run, perhaps Russia scared Korea or something. She wasn't going to blame him but when Vietnam was left with blood on her face and Korea was with blood on his face, she thought she could stop being tolerant.

... Or maybe not.

Someone was yelling, and it wasn't America, because before Japan could react he appeared in front of her with such an amazing speed (Because of his super strength?) and held out a tissue to her, Vietnam winced at the sting, but it might be Korea, who was probably so scared for his own life, or China, who was definitely annoyed, or even Japan, who was worried for her well-being. Hungary and Ukraine flocked around her like some mother birds, and Vietnam would like to tell them not to worry, but she couldn't. Not when Ukraine's hands was soft as she touched her face and Hungary was helping her to stand on her face. Better than than America.

"Apologize!" China snarled, and he looked less like a brother and more than a king, or a god. Dragon, Vietnam liked to think.

"I've just said that!" Korea said, red in the face because of blood, and maybe a little afraid of the sight of a fuming China.

"I haven't heard." China growled, "Now, say it, in a proper manner."

"You can't boss me around!"

"Korea, don't push China-san!" Was Japan's wise advice.

Korea looked at China and before the oldest nation could crack and Vietnam could move, then a hand behind a head -

America's outrageous cry.

"YOU!"

China's face was priceless.

Vietnam stared wide-eyes at Korea as he pulled back with a somewhat satisfied grin, and her brain was all fluzzy and white.

Oh, younger brother had grown up so much.

"I kissed it better, right?" Korea said proudly. "Old man always did it."

"Did not!" China cried.

Vietnam's lips were swollen for a week or so, but Korea was no better after China and America done with him.

* * *

><p><strong>v, Hong Kong.<strong>

Christmas, the Western holiday to commemorate the birth of Jesus, in Vietnam's opinion, should be banned in Hong Kong.

It all started with Hong Kong invited them to his house on Christmas for a family gathering and it was rare of him to start such a thing so they all agreed. And Korea thought it'd be fun to set mistletoe on Taiwan and Japan, turned out Hong Kong and Vietnam were victims.

Perhaps it was Korea's fault, but Vietnam blamed mistletoes anyway, because if such a thing hadn't existed, Korea would have never thought of something like that.

"There's tradition about mistletoe." said Hong Kong solemnly. Hong Kong used to be a sweet boy. (At least he was in her eyes, so she silently sided with China when the older nation blamed England for stealing all the boy's cuteness.)

"I know." Vietnam replied sourly. "It's awkward."

"Yes."

Vietnam silently thanked England for teaching Hong Kong to be such gentleman. As he leaned in and kissed her, it was all soft and sweet and it tasted like chocolate. It was brief and purely out of politeness and no firework went off in her head. It left her the ability to control herself (Hong Kong was all stiff against her, like he didn't know what to do and she decided he was still a cute boy).

He pulled back and with a sudden change in attitude:

"I'm gonna teach Korea some lessons."

Yes, he was definitely a cute boy with awkwardness. Vietnam nodded her head and allowed him to go, let herself enjoy the food China made and relax. She was still walking on earth, no dizzy feeling in her head and a content warm inside her chest. It was Hong Kong, no big deal.

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><p><strong>vi, Thailand.<strong>

They stared at each other after he pulled back, neither had intention of breaking eye contact, Vietnam because she was stubborn and Thailand because he felt like it.

And for your information, Vietnam wasn't nervous, she just didn't feel like speaking. It wasn't because her voice would be shaky or anything.

"That was..." Thailand broke the silence, still the air was heavy and Vietnam decided not to interrupt him in order not to make the atmosphere more awkward. He frowned, hands on his lips. Finally, his eyes left her and turned to Toto as if the elephant could give him the right word. "That was..." Suddenly, he was poking her cheek. "Weird."

She was left speechless.

Toto made a sound.

"Weird?" Vietnam repeated weakly, suddenly had an urge to beat the daylight out of him. Trust Thailand to get under her skin. He was even worse than America. He just hid this side too well that it was disturbing. Or maybe he just liked to teased her. She watched him, he was all well-behaved around Taiwan and Ukraine and several female countries.

As if to prove her point, Thailand looked amused.

"It's not a bad weird. It's just weird. And I don't know if I want to do it again..."

"You'd better not."

"I'm going to say that I sound like a bad guy but if you say so then I'm not bad after all."

She scowled and Thailand laughed and didn't put his hands on her for weeks. It was a weird feeling, but Vietnam always had a up-and-down relationship with Thailand so she dealed with it the best as he could. (Laos made up excuses whenever she had a sign of ranting and there was America to listen to her, and he looked a bit jealous and she secretly blushed.)

Life was as normal as it could get.

* * *

><p><strong>vii, Russia<strong>

She honestly didn't blame Russia for lifting his head up so much at the wrong time when he knew she was right next to him, she honestly didn't blame him when their lips met. She honestly didn't blame him when Belarus emitted a murderous aura around her...

Okay, maybe she did blame him.

His lips were firm against her own and they kept their eyes open to stare at each other but the sensation wasn't totally unpleasant. Still, it wasn't a real kiss and Russia pulled back hurriedly as if he'd done something terribly wrong.

Staring contest hadn't ended yet.

"I'll take responsibility." He finally said, and Vietnam used all her willpower to keep her face straight. Responsibility what?

"It's no big deal, Russia." Her voice was stiff and her hands were sweating for some reasons, and it wasn't because Belarus was glaring darkly at her.

"I insist." Now it was getting more difficult. Had it been America, she would have blatantly refused, but he was Russia and Russia was such a dear and it would seriously wound him if she didn't let him 'take responsibility'. It was hard to refuse someone that had been always gentle and patient with you.

"O... Okay. What do you want?"

Yes, Belarus was going to kill her.

Russia smiled and Vietnam's stomach twisted with some unpleasant feeling. She knew that smile!

"Become one with mother Russia!"

She had to think of an escape, quick.

"I'd like to, but you know China won't like that. He's my brother and I've done many things wrong with him so I don't want to argue with him much. And America has been helping me too, you know America doesn't like the whole thing become-one-with-mother-Russia."

China was going to bite her head off, Vietnam thought dryly as she watched Russia go looking for China.

More importantly, she had to deal with Belarus, now.

* * *

><p><strong>viii, France.<strong>

Maybe it was an accident, maybe it was Fate deciding to mess with her life (Fate always had such a twisted sense of humour and a distinct lack of taste, Vietnam thought dryly), or maybe it was two countries (man and woman) with too much sparks and thunder between them which screamed to explode.

And explode they did.

All she knew was that one second she was shouting and the next, France had had her pinned down with his hands and his legs and his (sinful) mouth, and that should have freaked her our, it should have made her want to push him off and kick him hard, but it didn't, and it was even more disturbing.

But Vietnam didn't like to get beat (she'd got something rebellious about her that China'd always been fond of - it hurt to think about China, but it hurt even more if she didn't.) not at anything, and certainly not at kissing (kissing wasn't as hard as breaking free, after all. And kissing wouldn't hurt as much as China's smile.) So she pulled France's hair and rolled them over, and pinned him with her body (what a shame), and her movements (She thanked China with all her heart, and please tell her that it wasn't a moan, and if it was, let it have come from him. Because he was France, he was the country of love and good at kissing... Maybe his moaning was even worse?), and tongue (kiss was name after France, wasn't it? She couldn't believe that she was thinking of his language.) and somehow, it wasn't unpleasant. But it was surely as unwelcome as hell.

She bit his lips and stood up with head held hight and kicked him.

(_China was always fond of her violent side, but apparently, France was not.)_

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><p><strong>ix,<strong> **Macau****  
><strong>

When Macau was sick, he was extremely stubborn, absolutely refused to take any medicine. He insisted that he was fine, even when sweat was plastering his hair to his forehead and was shivering under the cover. Hong Kong and Korea tried to forced him down and placed oriental medicine in his mouth but he kept his mouth shut and rolled over. Even Taiwan's crying and Japan's encouragement to Macau were no help and China was busy with the King so Vietnam supposed she was on her own.

The Hong-Kong-and-Korea method worked no better as she tried it and she refused to use fake tear like Taiwan, Macau still whispered refusal and Vietnam had to admire China for putting up with them. Vietnam almost gave in to him - but he was being ridiculous. He pulled the cover over his face.

"Macau." Vietnam said, voice impatient.

He peeked out. She leaned down, placing her hand on his forehead. He was burning, she frowned. She stood up, drinking his medicine and for a moment Macau's eyes brightened but his face soon turned into mortified as she leaned down and their lips met. She gently flipped her lips, and all medicine was in his mouth. She fixed him with a glare as he was about to spill out.

"You're horrible." He winced. "It's really bitter."

"Better me than China." She said dryly. "Or do you want the panda feed you?"

His face paled.

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><p><strong>x, America<strong>

Maybe it was because they were at the middle of a battle, bombing around them and the sound of guns was everywhere, maybe it was just her head got so dizzy because the land was being destroyed, but all she could feel was fire, burning inside her chest (warm and soothing and dangerous at the same time.) Okay, maybe there were more things than she thought, it could be joy or sorrow or laughter or cry, but the fire was everywhere. In her vein and in her head and in every part of her body being around him that lit something in her mind and it was hard to let go.

It was so _Afred, _(god, he'd got himself a adjective - she refused to use the word American because it was adjective for America, and she'd not like to think of him as America.), turning her thoughts, her beliefs, her world upside down. She didn't think he what she needed, (what she needed was freedom and independence, she needed China to make her feel safe, needed Japan to make her want attention,needed Taiwan to make her feel like a girl, needed Hong Kong and Korea to be overprotective, needed Thailand to smile and blush, needed Laos and Cambodia to feel young and carefree, needed Russia to make her a hero) but he might be what she wanted, because challenged every given opportunity and at the same time, he was exact and opposed to what she believed.

His kisses were young and rough and inexperienced and filled with searching and enthusiasm. His hands flew over her body and earned from her some sound that she would never admit later. He'd almost got her pinned down, but he stopped and let her have the ability to control her mind in case he was wrong, but Vietnam didn't know whether her mind was in control or not. He had no idea what he was doing, but Afred always knew what was the best to do. It was alright if he was clueless, because she didn't know anything either.

He was always fire, hot and frantic, crackling and spreading, warm and dangerous, always burning. She couldn't look away from him, not when she was like this, not when he left heat on her skin, not when his fire seemed to burn all her scars and bad memories, not when his fire lit up all her darkness...

It was a dream that she would like to never wake up from.

Afred looked at her with eyes dark with passion and hope, but she shook her head.

It was only right for a moment, but it was enough.

(_'I can't keep loving you')_

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><p><strong>An: Please don't fav+ without reviews. Thank you.**


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